The wolf says Im like a pendulum swinging. One instance I talk about hopping on the bike of Buddy's motorcycle and revving off into our white picket fence and the next I roll my eyes and say that whatever it is he might be feeling for me isnt real and cant be real. That I am simply a result of all the boxes he had crossed off.

Why dont I go for it? I dont know. To be honest my wavering feelings for him go from exuberance to sheer falls. And truth be told, I have no idea what he feels for me. Whether he is interested in something more or not. Its something the both of us need to decide on our own.

Like I said, the weekend that started it all came as a surprise to the both of us. I had never expected or planned it, and I doubt he did too. We both kind of just fell into it.

Also, I am terrified, petrified of the thought of going out there and being permanently attached to someone again. Im a serial maneater remember? I serially man eat. I like having the options, and though right now I have no options, I like the option of having an option and I worry that being with someone in something monogamous... can you imagine how boring this blog is going to be without the constant change of men and characters?

The bride (no longer bride to be) told me today, she had a dream two nights ago where Taboo had proposed to me. I had said yes.

And apparently, she said. I was happy.

Thoughts like this keeps me on my toes. Not willing to jump in.

I asked Buddy today, if he wanted to meet up with Silverwolf for drinks.

You dont understand see. None of my men meet my friends. Its a very big thing for me to say, ok I think youre ok enough or permanent enough that I would like my friends to meet you.

So, for me to say to Buddy, I would like for you to meet Silverwolf, its a big deal for me. He wasnt excited. Guess he thought I wanted to spend time with her alone. Had to explain to him how big a privilege he was getting by having me dain to ask him to join us.

Thats me taking a step into the we.

Then he didnt want me to come over later tonight. So in my heart I threw his heart on the ground and stomped on it.

Thats me running five steps back.

See.
How can I even try this out, when Im still being the crazy clingy needy girl everyone hates.

Barriers up.
We'll just see. His interest seems to have cooled down somewhat. What with ceasing to message me randomly and inappropriately, kicking my feet away when I try to rub my leg against his under the table.

I think soon enough he will tire and leave.

Wolf. Youre right. Sometimes, I just keep on sabotaging myself and anything that resembles goodness, since Im so not used to identifying this foreign foreign object.