Malaysia raised its gas prices recently. Whilst having dinner with The Writer, she asked how I was surviving it and I had to honestly tell her, I didnt feel a pinch. That I guess I am too far removed to understand the worries, the concerns on the ground.

So in the spirit of being thrifty and after having a conversation with The Best Friend I figured..

Things I could cut back on
1. Pedicures
2. Hair treatment (though I do only do this once a month)
3. Cooofffeeeeee <- might kill me if I stop... =(
4. Buying magazines - get a subscription to only Zero Degrees and Style:
5. Non-stop travels. I think one big trip a year to country far away is enough.. Or I could do lots of small trips to not so far countries

Actually thats about it. I work too much to actually go out and enjoy myself. Meals covered by the company, and on weekends only once in a while do I go shopping (though I always complain about wanting to go)

Hmm.. so where did all my money go...

Its hard sometimes. When everybody knows you, or when everybody thinks they know you. When nobody wants to hear your fears; push it aside when you bring it up.

For months I have slowly shared my fears with others, and every single time people tell me I'll be fine. Friends tell me Im being too pessimistic. That there is no way such a thing can happen to me. That I am young, and smart and successful.

So after a while I got tired of listening to all the hopes and dreams. To listening to how people brush away my fears.

You put on your poker face, you walk out in the world and everyday the same thing happens. You wake up, you go to work, you come back... work somemore.

Always always always at the back of your mind it bugs you, those fears creep up. And you deal with it in the quiet of the night. Right before you sleep, when you're walking down the street. When you're alone.

My fears were finally confirmed today. The bad news, the gauntlet finally fell.

Luckily I was more than prepared, luckily more than ever, I am ready to freefall once again into the big bad beautiful ugly world.

Soon... very very soon. I will leave the corporate world behind.

I have no idea where I want to go, no idea what I want to do.

But The Boyfriend tells me...

"go out... and conquer the world"

And maybe, just maybe I have reached the freedom to do so...

Its been a whirlwind two weeks, barely sleeping, angry with so many people, behind work as always. Sleeping at 2 am every night, getting up early for work work work and meetings meetings meetings. Where everything is so gosh darn fucking important that we cant push back and end up making questionable end analysis while on a flight to Bangkok.

I did not even get to enjoy the weekend in Bangkok ending up working during training, after training.

I came back sloshed on a Friday night, finally with one night of freedom to get drunk and bitch and de-stress. Then I came back at 3 am and worked drunk. Wrote meeting minutes, sent out decks.

The meeting that went all day Saturday (and was the reason I had to come back) went well. You could see all of us with eyebags under our eyes, so tired when the Principle told us jokingly that we generously could take the rest of the weekend off.

I booked an emergency massage at my masseuse. Finally kneaded out the stress.

I fell asleep sometime while waiting to meet up with The Writer, then I fell asleep for a good 10 hours.

I woke up today much fresher (though i still have bags under my eyes), ran my errands, cleaned my room, unpacked. Finished so many things that had been waiting for me, like finally responding to e-mails and facebook messages. Like getting my accounts back on track. Like getting my hair done.

It feels good. And for the first time in a month, I spent the weekend without any emails from anyone on my team.

I think all of us needed a break... and tomorrow the rat race starts all over again..

He kidnapped me this weekend. Gave me directions as I drove to our cozy little place on top of the hill. With the greatest tea, scones and clotted cream.

We curled up in bed. His arms around me as we took a nap. Held hands as we walked down the road. His arms around the small of my back as we walked the sleepy tea town.

I was happy.

Today I get an e-mail from The Doctor. Trying to keep in touch with me, trying to meet up with me. He may be here soon he says.

I only have memories of The Boyfriend now... of our little place in the hills. With him around me.

I am happy now. And that is all that matters