For the past two weeks The Boyfriend had been away on vacation. He travelled to Thailand, to Cambodia.. to Kashmir and back.

In between we managed to sneak half a day to go out a little bit around this country with his family.

We barely spoke on the phone. Its hard after all to get some reception, any reception up in the mountains in Kashmir.

He came back on a Monday morning, and in two hours flew out again to Singapore for work. Current project for him is quite tough. Hours are long and he is tired. And cranky. And he'll be on this project for a month.

So we still; barely talk.

After he's done, at the end of the month, I am off to sunny Spain for two weeks. I doubt we would talk much for the exact same reasons we didnt talk when he was travelling. It might be a bit expensive.

So in all, we would have barely spoken to each other for about two months.

Ive gotten so used to having him there, listening to me. Hearing him. And now we've been reduced to sporadic e-mails in the day.

I know he's worth it. But I dont know how long I can keep this up. Its almost like not having a boyfriend at all. In a way, even more painful as you're caught in between trying to be independent and not. When he's gone I return back to my independent self. Problem is, I cant differentiate emotions to remember that I am still dependent on him for love.

Its a black and white world for me. And this land in between with no words but just text, once in a while.

I dont know how long I can handle this

What is the world coming to when men rob orphanages...

*looks at bank account*

*bangs head*

I was so good for the past 3 months... then...

*cries*

Sometimes you get so caught up, swept up in glories. Joys of love. That you forget life. You breathe love. Eat love. Sleep love. Its like an addiction that you aren't even aware you're feeding. An addiction you dont even know you need.

The Boyfriend left on Friday for a weeklong holiday with his parents. When he left, I felt... relieved in a way. I made plans for my weekend, I thought about all the classes I wanted to take while he was gone.

Its bad, realizing this addiction that you have.

I promised myself, after The Doctor, that I will keep my life when Im in a relationship. That I would do things, see places. Be myself.

I havent. Ive been so caught up in love. So scared of losing it, that Ive gripped it, held tight to it. So worried to let it breathe, so worried to let it out of my sight for even a second.

While he was gone, I went out, had coffee with my book, did my hair, walked around a little bit. Finished all my errands. Dreamt of travels again. Tried out foot reflexology and relaxed. Looked for shoes. Ate.

I wanted to take French classes, yoga classes.

I guess its the step of recognizing how much you're caught in it. Even if its something this good, to be caught in it, ensnared in it. Tangled in it.

Eventually I will resent him if this goes on. And I love him too much to let that happen.

In the small world of you and me. Curling up with you.

Life is perfect