I thought about you. My elusive fluid memory trickling what is left out of my mind.

I remembered you, and the way you made me feel. My heart pumping insanely everytime I thought you were nearby. You would walk out so casually to meet my brother. So casual that I could only glance at you but not stare. I wanted to be beside you all the time. So badly. I wanted you to hold my hand and kiss me like those people that we saw on tv.

I liked you so much I told you I hated you. We would play fight and part of me wanted to pummel you into the ground and knock your teeth out.

Instead I played rounders with you I wanted to whoop your ass. We played opposite sides and everytime you passed the bat to me and our fingers touched I knew it deep down inside.

You loved me too!

The way you smiled at me, then the way you ignored me.
I was dirty from playing, my clothes didnt match and I probably smelled. But you looked good. You always looked good. Your glistening shining black hair.

I grasped at conversations to be with you. Faked knowing everything to know you.

What can we do. We were kids. Nine years old and we thought we knew the world.

Funny though. All those years after.

You came to visit alone. Came to see me when my house was full of girls giggling at you whilst I hid behind my braces and invited you in to eat.

How I tricked you into writing to me, long letters penned to my alter-ego. A combination of your name and mine.

I kept all the letters by the way. In case one day our paths should cross again and perhaps now, years later, what I had known deep down inside wouldve happened.

We would fall in love again

A hasty kiss barely remembered. Did it happen? or didnt it?
Diaries from those years filled with more I hate you's than any recognition of an event.

You were my first love, nothing wouldve torn me apart from you.
I held you in my heart, waiting in a corner.
Until that day, when you moved away
And you didnt even say goodbye