My job in life is to come up answers. I solve companies problems. I come up with initiatives, processes, roadmaps, timelines, milestones. I have perfomance measurements, KPIs, SLAs

Isnt it funny how in my own life I have zero answers... dont even know where to go. Where to turn to.

I cancelled the company trip this weekend. Its tough enough as it is to be sent away from your home. You dont see your friends and your social life takes a halt in those small instances when you do get sent home. You spend it finally blissfully alone. No colleagues, no bosses, nobody to tell you what to do.

I thought to myself, solving my personal life means more to me this weekend. More than the promises of binge drinking on the boss' account. More than the thoughts of frolicking by the beach catching a tan. My friend said to me, whats the point after all, when your heart is not in it.

Im going back to try over, to start again. To try and see if there is something we can capture again. Start again. Its not easy though. Like I said. The feelings are gone now. Numb. Stashed somewhere far away. Its not easy to pretend like everythings ok. Like everythings going to be ok. When nothing has changed. When communication is stalled to a point where I stop thinking about you anymore. Stop needing you anymore.

Just the way you wanted it.

I have no answers. I dont know what I want out of this. I dont know what I dont want out of this.

Im going home blind.