I believe in fate. I really do. I believe that sometimes you do the best that you can do, and then it depends on something else. It depends on your luck or whether the wind blows in your favor or the alignment of the stars. It depends on something else.

Ive wanted to start over for a while now. The first thing I wanted to do was switch jobs. It all hinged on that. My money, my travels, my clothes, my shoes. It all depended on having this job. Though the past few months have been relatively easy for me (Perhaps the best project Ive had in the history of working at The Company) I know its not meant to last. That sooner or later, I will return to my time consuming job. No time to breathe. No time to walk.

It is hard to extricate yourself from a comfortable position. From a position that you're 'used to'. And Ive gotten 'used to' to a lot of things.

So I wished, to start over again. First things first, I had to deal with The Boyfriend leaving. Put everything on hold, until that dust storm finally settled. Then I got myself a personal trainer, because I want my body back damnit. The BFF once asked me, what happened to my six pack that I had in a picture with Mr. Librarian. I looked at it and remembered, and felt sad, that I had actually lost that. Yes superficial I know, but it makes me feel better, let it go.

Tried to sign up for a 10km night run. To at least set a goal that I can achieve. Sadly that got shot since the registration was closed.

Travel. I thought about starting that over too. I thought seeing where The Boyfriend is right now, would be nice. But I wasnt invited and have never been invited... unless you count me inviting myself over and The Boyfriend saying 'ok'. I thought I would travel with my girlfriends, but the Wolf is preparing for a big move and isnt going to be travelling much till end of the year or early next year. And my Woman (I would need to get a nickname for her) is too busy travelling around the world and helping develop microfinancing policies or grants or something to travel with me.

So I booked a ticket to venture East, all by myself. For the first time in my life. Perhaps I will have adventures aplenty. Or meet new travellers to share my stories with. Or just sip coffee and live day by day like The Writer does. The thrill of the unknown. The thrill of reinvention.

So the body was covered, and so was my itchy feet.

The last leg of this metamorphosis was actually going forth and finding a new job. So I did it. Took the plunge. Woman (shall I call her Miss Big Heart? or Miss Always There since she is actually Always There for me (unless she is travelling... that bitch) helped me out with the CV and cover letter and helped me send it off. And it went off! Two CV's, two cover letters, off into cyberspace.

This is where all my efforts end. This is where fate begins.

I promised myself though, if I make it. And if I take it. And if I have to move somewhere, and The Boyfriend makes no effort to arrange to see me, or move with me, or travel, or sit down to try and find a solution or to fight for me. Then I start over. I start all over again.

This is where fate decides