Things are not always so pretty in the Land of Us. Not always so bright and cheery and happy. Sometimes like today I feel like strangling the boyfriend. Like pummeling his head in with a pillow or something.

I guess at the end of the day. It is my own damn fault. For letting him not appreciate me. For feeling like a doormat they way I do like today. It is my fault for not standing up and saying no whenever he asks me to come until its reached a point where he knows I will come every time he beckons. Where its reached a point that he knows I love him, always remembers that, perhaps feels immune to that.

We fought today. In those silent fighting ways I am so accustomed to. When I turn my feelings inside and become cold. When my face is a blank unfeeling mask. Except he was'nt there to appreciate it. He was off on his own, doing his own things. As he puts it, he had made plans for today. And obviously it didnt involve me.

The land of us isnt pretty sometimes. And days like today makes me question if its even worth it? To be so in love with someone you end up forgetting to love yourself first and foremost.