Ive gotten older. My dancing shoes hung high tucked away. My skimpy outfits folded and set aside. I cover my skin now, more conscious of social pressures to look as classy as a woman my age should. I do not shed my jeans now, or my mini skirts now, because sometimes I still need to return to the she I was before.

I miss it sometimes, the life I had left behind when I stepped into the Boyfriends arms. He doesnt bind me himself (God bless him), but through him I feel like growing up, settling down, slowing down more. We talked about it, many times before. Of the things we've always promised ourselves we've wanted to do. Ive wanted to climb a mountain, finish a marathon, volunteer, travel to small towns, leave, return, study, read, to enjoy art in its purest form, to learn to dance again. He's wanted to do oh so many things to, to travel, join the equestrian club, run more, learn french cooking.

We both wanted so many things before us happened.

We want to keep our lives the way it was. To hang out with other people, to do other things. To not be joint at the hip. After all it becomes boring sometimes to realize that almost everything you do you do with each other. We need breathing space too sometimes.

The woman I was was colder, soulless. The Ice Queen he used to dub me at my uncanny abilities to switch my emotions on and off.

The woman I am now is warmer, mushier, I cry easier, I love easier.

Yes, sometimes I miss that other woman so much.

I need to figure it out somehow, to still be able to do the things Ive wanted to do, to hang out with other people, to make new friends, yet to still spend time with him. To enjoy each others company. It is a balancing act trying to separate the Me and the Us.

I dont want to suffocate him, like I did The Doctor. I dont want to want to be with him always.

Its not that easy. I still dont know how.