Sitting at the table. Watching him across from me. He eats, laughs, regales us with stories of his life.
All I can think off is why he hasn't made a move. Why he isnt even interested in asking me to come over.
I think about it more and I figure its not right for me to demand of this, to want to have something more than the nothing we already have. I have no say over his mind, his body. I have no say over his life. Nor do I ever want to, nor should he ever have over me.
I come home, and I think of the story of one. Of how, in completely realistic sense, it is extremely possible that people like me may walk through the rest of our lives alone.
Passing the cars on the way in, I thought, it sure would be nice to have a hand to hold right now.
I dont want the maybe's, I dont want to settle. I dont want anything less than what I deserve. But sometimes, you feel so lonely you just want company. Sometimes youre so empty you just want a distraction.
The cute colleague at work told me "you have friends who care about you. Sex doesnt solve that"
Caring is so much more different than loving.
Kisses laced with meaning. Fingers travelling down your life partners navel. Hands held because you want to always be connected to the other person. Hugs given freely to put a smile on your face. Eyes locked into each others. Understanding each others jokes. Anger dissipating when you think about the lifetime you have to argue forever.
Love. Love is better than sex of course. But that human connection. Sometimes I still crave that. To be touched and caressed as woman should. To fake love sometimes - and even more dangerously falling into the pit of your own creation.
To hold hands under a starry night and say nothing
All I can think off is why he hasn't made a move. Why he isnt even interested in asking me to come over.
I think about it more and I figure its not right for me to demand of this, to want to have something more than the nothing we already have. I have no say over his mind, his body. I have no say over his life. Nor do I ever want to, nor should he ever have over me.
I come home, and I think of the story of one. Of how, in completely realistic sense, it is extremely possible that people like me may walk through the rest of our lives alone.
Passing the cars on the way in, I thought, it sure would be nice to have a hand to hold right now.
I dont want the maybe's, I dont want to settle. I dont want anything less than what I deserve. But sometimes, you feel so lonely you just want company. Sometimes youre so empty you just want a distraction.
The cute colleague at work told me "you have friends who care about you. Sex doesnt solve that"
Caring is so much more different than loving.
Kisses laced with meaning. Fingers travelling down your life partners navel. Hands held because you want to always be connected to the other person. Hugs given freely to put a smile on your face. Eyes locked into each others. Understanding each others jokes. Anger dissipating when you think about the lifetime you have to argue forever.
Love. Love is better than sex of course. But that human connection. Sometimes I still crave that. To be touched and caressed as woman should. To fake love sometimes - and even more dangerously falling into the pit of your own creation.
To hold hands under a starry night and say nothing
Sex doesn't solve anything, its true. but while at the moment, our own damn expectations do not allow us to fall into love easily - we can at least forget our humanity for awhile, drown in the pretence, in that flame of skin-on-skin, black and blinding dark oblivion?
Also, sex is fun, goddamnit!
I love you, and you know it.
Wolf.xo
I know exactly how you feel.
I don't want to write that I know exactly how you feel because that would be just too funny. In my case too, the longer it takes to find what I believe I deserve, the more ready I am to accept the fact that it might actually never happen. I seem to be OK with that, for the most part, but the just like you wrote, sometimes one just feels so lonely, one just wants company. Distractions don't solve too much, but they help, they do help so much!