It has come to that point in our lives again. A new year looms near. New promises, new vows made to somehow help us deny our past sins. To give us hope of new futures, new choices, new fates.

Ah well, even if its superficial, one can always remind oneself of things that should or should not happen next year.

I want to want less. Not wear my heart on my sleeve. Not think about friends getting married. Not think about the fact that Ive been alone for far too long. I want to let things be, and make things be less. I want to not want a man to fall in love with me everytime we smile. To be able to emotionally distance myself in the company of lust. Not love

So in line with that. I want to love me more. Love my job more. Put more effort into developing my career. Into making sure I can take care of me and my family. I guess I'll have to say fuck it to all the men who cannot deal with the fact that I am educated, financially stable, employed and independent. If its meant to happen, it will. Otherwise, I would have a pretty damn good career lined up for me.

Travel more. Wonderlust.
I want to learn more, see more, understand more. I want to spend my time in other countries, watching people, living the life. Appreciating the differences amongst us. A friend of mine once wrote of her idea of being a Romantic. I cannot agree more with her. I am a romantic. I want to travel the dusty sands of the Sahara. Travel the original Silk Road. I want to head to sea and return months later, wizened and in touch with the winds and the stars.

Be less responsible of others
I am tired of being the stable fort of others. Tired of being the only one there. I am human. I am incapable of perfection and perfectly capable of mistakes. I cannot hold yours, I cannot be responsible for yours. I do not want it. I want you, all of you... to take responsibility for your choices or lack of choices. I cannot be your rock. Anymore.
I am growing, and being stable for you stagnates my own growth.

Live
I want to live. Aimlessly. Perfectly.
Cease caring. Responsibility. I want to make choices based on gut not rationality. I want to jump on planes to countries to jump off into the blue sky.
I want to laugh and smile and be joyful. I want every breathe of my time on earth to count. To bring as much happiness as it could ever.

I will live