Shall I be honest?
Perhaps not so..

There is this female. She is the partner to one of the men that I was/perhaps still am seeing. She would be like all the other ladies to me, except I keep on seeing her in magazines and on tv. See, this female. She is I guess what people would call, a 'celebrity'

Her stature doesn't bother me. However, having her face popping up all the time, somehow... hmm.. Im not so sure what would be the apt word... annoys (?) me.

I dont know. Maybe its because in all the times that I see her, she is smiling, laughing like the world was amazing. Like everything was fabulous. Things are great. Maybe its because I know that if she knew what was going on behind her back, her world may change. She would still have that smile and that laughter. But it would be strained.

Life after all, perhaps I was wrong. Is not always beautiful.

I still dont feel guilty or wrong for what is going on between her and her partner. With the little detail of which I am involved. If she thinks that life is perfect.

Its not. And I can pull the plug in a nano second.

I am mean. And vile. And evil. I know.

It is that power struggle. That power high. Within. Knowing that I can make a concrete difference in someone's life. Carve my name like a burning stake into the rest of their lives. To be able to split something so intricately intertwined.

I will not apologize for my actions. Nor will I ever disclose of whomever it is. Because after all, the power only lies when it is a secret.

I may speak of my sins here. But this is where it ends. Why in the world would I ever want to kiss and tell.

When kissing is fun enough

I spent the whole week working, tired day after day after day. So used am I to the fact that my office is 10 minutes from my house that when I have to go to the client's place to work I actually have to get up a full hour! then when I would normally have to get up.

So I spent last night with good friends drinking in a good bar. We meet up almost every weekend or every other weekend, have drinks and have fun. Its funny how our conversations always seem to revolve around the same things and still entertains us after so long.

My friend's fiancee has the best breasts I have ever seen on a woman. I couldnt stop looking all night. Envious of course, now that my used to be C cup babies have gone down a grade.

I lost so much weight in India, and my appetite that its taking a bit longer to develop the hunger again to start filling up.

Apparently 56% of youth nowadays think theyre going to grow up famous (thanks Ryan Seacrest), I guess its no different for me either. I would like to think that I would be able to grow up and make a difference in the world. (Hows that for a Ms Universe speech). Or I could just be famously known as that girl you have to watch out for. Infamy isnt overrated you know.

I walked around by myself today, enjoyed the new mall that My Best Friend has been too and realized that there is indeed a little piece of heaven here on earth. You would most likely find me at Pavilion from now on. Well, maybe at the end of the month when pay comes in. =)

Then I went over to a little cafe overlooking an entrance and enjoyed my book and a good cup of cappuccino. Last night the question "what is your idea of a perfect weekend" came up and I replied.. me, a good book and a cup of coffee. Heaven indeed.

Right before I came back, I decided to check the gallery upstairs to see some works. Lo and behold, Metalworks' exhibition was up. It is surprising to look at art with the realization that you yourself know the man behind its making. Maybe not personally. But to know the face and the hands that went behind the work.

I am disappointed that I did not find out about an older legendary artiste' works when it was launched in a gallery I visited before. I would've loved to see his entire collection.

Tonight perhaps I shall join an old friend who is visiting from HK in a dance club downtown. Its been far too long and my dancing feet are chiding me

I woke up at 5.45 a.m from a nightmare of my own making.
Karma bit me while I was asleep and I was ready to murder. Stab twist and bleed.

I think I know how 'God' is getting back to me for all the evil Ive done in the world

All hail the genius that is The Best Friend who figured out how to set the comment box on on this damn thing

Haaaaaaaiiiiillllll

Happy Birthday!
Hope u had a good one, well if not, at least a good evening!

Apparently I have been pegged to be 'wife material'
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

This is stupid. How do I set up the stupid comment box on!

She is leaning against the wall, her right wrist gently resting in the nook of her left elbow. Delicately a cigarette dangles by the edges of her fingers as the smoke frames her wispy hair. She is clad in a long tight silvery dress. Her height magnified by her high stilletos, her left knee peeking out from the slit in the side of her dress.

He is watching her from the car. Trapped in a cage of steel and glass of his own making. He thinks of her. Thought of her. Wants her. His hands grip the steering wheel of his car. He used to make fun of the threads of hair she left in the car. He had to clean it all up before his girlfriend came home.

She doesnt see him. Languid, catlike, she flicks her cigarette. Precisely crushes the butt with her heels. She stays. Still leaning against the wall. Staring out into the night.

His girlfriend is inside the building. She walks out, brushes past his Sephia. They look at each other a quick smile, a quick apology. She walks back to the car. Opens the door, steps in.

For an eternal second they lock eyes. Sephia Sephia Sephia.
She is surprised. Unexpecting. The black smoky eyes boring into his.

Sayang, what are you waiting for, let's go

He hesitates. Tears his eyes away. His heart is pounding. He puts the car in gear, drives away.

Sephia, you are better off without me, but I still dream of our nights together when I kissed you delicately by the base of your neck as I held you captive against the bed...I think of us standing out staring into the dark cold abyss and wrapping my arms around your waist... I think of us back when I didnt think of her, when for an instance in a lifetime all that was left was you and me.

Do not think I am worried...
I do not allow anyone to meet my men as far as I can help it.
A long time ago, my gf's used to complain that I changed men too fast, so I always told them, they would only meet those that matter to me.

My fun men, nope, no one meets them.
They are my kept secret as well. I trust that they will not tell, so I do not tell.

A friend asked me the other day, do I feel awkward sitting across from their partners, chatting up a normal conversation. I dont. I really dont. Its not something that makes me special, or them special. Its just something I dont think about.

My men's partners have met me, some of them have nice long conversations with me. I dont feel guilty. Sometimes, I think to myself, these women would probably kill me if they knew. But they dont, so I smile, and I talk to both them and their partners and it doesnt bother me in the least.

There are times though, when they are together, on a date or out in public when my friends are around, and I dont want to say hi, I dont want to meet them. I dont know what it is... I just dont feel like saying hello.

Because at the end of the day, I know, if and when they find out, it is my face that they will think of. They will replay all our conversations, laughters and they will call me a fraud, a fake, a bitch above all.

They wont blame their men, they will blame me for driving their men away. And they will most of all blame themselves.

Its not your fault ladies. Honest. Its theirs, the men who cant keep their pants on. And if they dont cheat with me, they could easily cheat with someone else. I just hasten the process.

Though I will not try to shift things to say that I am doing you a favor. I am not. I am just doing whatever it is people like me do.

I dont think I can stop. Stopping implies that they matter, both faceless men and women. But they dont. Not to me

I know what you think of me. Sometimes I think the same things too

A woman is primed to always look her best while men are allowed to just let themselves go. Things that we do to maintain looking good

Face moisturizer: 100
Body moisturizer: 15
Under eye cream: 100
Anti-acne cream: 10
Make-up remover: 100
Eyebrow shaping: 25
Gym membership: 175
Waxing: 100
Personal shampoo, conditioner, facial wash: 50
Hair treatment: 100

Total monthly upkeep: 775

Excluding makeup, clothes, shoes and handbags


Men:

Haircut: 10
Shampoo, conditioner, facial wash: 20 (unless they use freebies from the hotel)
ALCOHOL: 600

Total monthly upkeep: 620

Excluding car parts, upkeep of women, and the rare occasion of buying new clothes

p/s: Im still trying to figure out how to set the comment box on this. Do let me know if anyone of you know how

Im all excited as I step into his room. I had actually gone into the bathroom to change into my thong just for him. Im giggling like a mad woman at the prospect of getting laid when I go into his room, lie lazily on the bed next to him and he says....

I seem to have lost my sex drive

...

Sandman... MY SANDMAN... losing his SEX DRIVE?! my god, the world is coming to an end.

So instead, he decides to torment my by cupping my breasts and announcing quite gallantly.
Wow, your breasts got smaller

Against my protestation of him fondling me and not coming through with final deliverance, he shoves me against the wall and bites my neck... Hard.

We are laughing maniacally after.
I guess this is why Sandman's my fav buddy. We have this connection where we can just be stupid and still laugh about it and be friends.

Now if only he would fuck me more often....

I take it that many of you do not know me. Which is the way it should be. I have been writting blogs for a few years now. I am not looking for recognition or popularity. I want to write about things that I have gone through, things that I feel. Whatever is on my mind.

I do realize that in my previous blogs, the recurring theme that I liked writing about were about my relationships (though that might be too big a word). So I will write mostly about that.

Hope you enjoy