Ive been sent down under, to a country filled with people who would get in line (because there is a line!), a city filled with people where you end up walking fast to avoid everyone. A country where taxi drivers dont really know how to drive and being inside one makes me want to vomit every single time.
I had brunch with some colleagues yesterday and spied a grandfather with a cute grandson, just sitting on a bench by the water watching life go by. The grandfather was really old, and the grandson really young. And as I sat there watching them watching life, I felt my clock ticking too. Would my father be able to hold my son? Would my mother be able to play with my daughter? When would this inevitable family landscape come by? I am 27 this year, by no means old, but by no means young. Conversations with my female colleagues highlights how so many of us in this line of work have had miscarriages, are unable to conceive. The largest failure of us as a woman.
I am by no means old, but I do think about these things. I do worry if I would inevitably be able to bring a child into this world. If I wait too late, what are the implications? would it be harder for me? and if its late, then what? what would be worse than not being alive when your children get married, what would it be like to be sending them off to college when I am in my 50's? my 60's?
But I am young still. I love life as it is right now. I love the ability to just pick up and leave. Of being able to travel wherever I want to go. I love that life is just about me right now. No complications. What will happen when I have a child? What will happen if I dont get along with the Father?
And then of course, there is indeed that. What about the father? Who is that man who will be with me (hopefully) for the rest of my life? Who is this man who would love to wake up next to me in the morning and look forward to coming home to me and our children. Who is this man who would be the father? who would guide and advice, who would be my partner in life?
So many questions, so few answers. And as the clock chimes 27 this year, I wonder, how much time is there left?
I had brunch with some colleagues yesterday and spied a grandfather with a cute grandson, just sitting on a bench by the water watching life go by. The grandfather was really old, and the grandson really young. And as I sat there watching them watching life, I felt my clock ticking too. Would my father be able to hold my son? Would my mother be able to play with my daughter? When would this inevitable family landscape come by? I am 27 this year, by no means old, but by no means young. Conversations with my female colleagues highlights how so many of us in this line of work have had miscarriages, are unable to conceive. The largest failure of us as a woman.
I am by no means old, but I do think about these things. I do worry if I would inevitably be able to bring a child into this world. If I wait too late, what are the implications? would it be harder for me? and if its late, then what? what would be worse than not being alive when your children get married, what would it be like to be sending them off to college when I am in my 50's? my 60's?
But I am young still. I love life as it is right now. I love the ability to just pick up and leave. Of being able to travel wherever I want to go. I love that life is just about me right now. No complications. What will happen when I have a child? What will happen if I dont get along with the Father?
And then of course, there is indeed that. What about the father? Who is that man who will be with me (hopefully) for the rest of my life? Who is this man who would love to wake up next to me in the morning and look forward to coming home to me and our children. Who is this man who would be the father? who would guide and advice, who would be my partner in life?
So many questions, so few answers. And as the clock chimes 27 this year, I wonder, how much time is there left?
I hate it when people tell me "You're still young, take your time!" But who actually knows how much time we have left, right?
=(