Savings. Blardy painful thing to look at.

Do you remember me? I was the girl who was so tight about money. Planned everything, budgeted everything. Tried to make money out of everything.

Do you remember me? Little girl who used to rent out books. Teenager who used to sell black market food. Young woman who held down three jobs to survive a fun time through college?

Or do you only see me as I am now. A woman who has made it. Has a nice fat paycheck. Not willing to try different things anymore. Not hungry to claw her way up to the top anymore.

I am budgeting, to get ready to start the new chapter of my life. And boy, is it painful. Especially after living the lap of luxury of not even caring what I spent on. Not even looking at the price tags of things that I bought.

Ah, but I guess this is what got me into this mess in the first place.

Starting anew. Always tough. How much do you put aside anyways? to start over?

A big fat savings and your heart apparently.

I realized this weekend
Ill be starting over, alone.

But what difference does it make right? Its not like I havent been here before. Its not like I havent seen this before.

Knowing that I will be doing it alone. Reminds me of the hunger within. The hunger to start over, to put all pains behind me. Put all hopes behind me. Put all dreams behind me.

Starting from the very bottom, the very raw-ness. Yet again

I remember the mantra I used to remember as a teenager

You have nothing. No love. No money. No hopes. Nothing... But you also have nothing else to lose