Ive mentioned a few times my distaste for women I deem to be gold diggers. I absolutely loathe women who depend on men for money, a way of life, luxury. I especially dont understand this need when the woman herself is in a job of a good position with reasonable pay.

Case study 1: The colleague who got her bf to pay for half of her Chanel 2.55 bag.
Why half u ask? well, do u guys know how much that thing costs? It would be pretty crazy to expect him to buy her the entire thing. Its not even her birthday, or xmas, or valentines day. He truly does not understand why she wants/ needs it. AND as I mentioned, she is my colleague, someone who earns a very good sum... so if she wanted it, why cant she just buy it herself?

Case study 2: A friend recently got himself a gf. A FIRST gf I might add. Theyve been going out for maybe 3 months now, and she is trying to angle herself to get him to buy her a Louis Vuitton Speedy bag. This guy and I are very good friends. He told me it would be sweet of him to buy it for her right? I looked at him and almost struck him. "Its a little stupid I think" After all, he had already paid for her travels to an island (he didnt go), flew her up paid for the hotel and all dinner expenses in Bali, and pretty much pays for everything... AND SHE IS EMPLOYED

Case study 3: My own brother. He doesnt even live in this country. He works in Japan, notoriously known for being expensive and for having really bad work hours. He doesnt even send money to my parents, but gives money to his gf in this country MONTHLY. I ask myself, why cant this woman GET A JOB. What is she doing anyways? Just hanging out here? I mean seriously, go and earn yourself your own income woman!

Anyways, some people say that this is a result of my upbringing. And that in Asia its pretty understandable and common even to expect presents or gifts from your partner. My mother asks me if The Boyfriend ever bought me anything when we went shopping. I looked at her shocked and said "WHY should he?" After all, I want it, shouldnt I be the one to get it? - this is of course a huge contradiction on my mothers part since she was the huge patron of "You need to earn your own income and life and never have to depend on a man"

So, recently I thought about heading out to The Boyfriends home country for Xmas. He invited me up. Immediately the reaction from my mother and Case study 1 colleague was "Isnt he paying for your flight?"

My reaction was 0_o ???

"Why should he?"
"Because he asked you to come visit"
"Yes, but I ask a lot of people to visit, doesnt mean I pay for it"
"But he's your boyfriend"
"So?"
"So he should pay for it"
"Why?"
"Because he's your boyfriend and he asked you to come up and visit"

As you can probably tell, this would become a pretty repetitive conversation.

So, my point is... am I overreacting? Should a boyfriend/ partner be buying you things (for non-special ocassions?)

And should I be ok with it? - ok I mean I am completely fine with him buying me flowers or chocs or something he knows I would really like, like a mask, but am sooooo not ok with him paying for my outfits that I want to shop for or a handbag that I had saved up to buy

(I cant decide to post or not)

So Im trying to save up. Why? well, maybe because I looked into my bank account and talked to people and realized that I really havent saved very much in my past 3 years of working. Maybe because I realized Ive squandered quite a lot and am disapointed at my lack of control and appreciation. Maybe because I think I have lost the feeling. That feeling of appreciation of what I have.

So anyways, I am setting a goal for myself, trying to live within my new set goals. Not easy, especially when the funds are so easy to access, so Im trying to be disciplined and move a set amount to a fund that would be extremely difficult to access. Maybe that way I wont just rush through my entire salary.

Anyways, I thought I would share with you some of the things Ive realized.

1. Shop your closet.

People have been talking about this a lot, especially in these challenging times. Ive realized its really true though. Cleaning up your closet once in a while, you realize some things that you might have forgotten, or think up new combinations for your clothes. Take a look at it and see what basics you might be short on. i.e. black spaghetti tops, white shirts. And only replenish those. Also, imagine what else you can wear it with, only then, get them. And as a further filter, make sure you can wear it for a while. Not just a weekend.

2. Sell your stuff.

In my country, I dont think flea markets are a norm. Theyre starting to be, slowly. But things like garage sales deff dont happen here. If youre interested, you can sell off your pre-loved items at a designated flea market. Just google around for your local community ones. Im selling my stuff on 31st Aug. If interested to know where, let me know. Lots of working clothes and shoes (things that I seriously cannot fit anymore, but is really good stuff)

3. Write up a list

When grocery/ errand shopping, write down a list of things that you need. And try as much as possible to abide the list only. It at least focuses u and deters u from shopping around. Also, bring your own bag. Nowadays stores are giving small discounts if you dont use plastic

4. Check your credit card points.

I never checked this since I am actually quite tech illiterate. I even wanted to get the BFsquared (Thats The Boyfriend and The Best Friend) to try and redeem this for me. But anyways, I realized the other day I can just check it online! hahahha and then! even better! I realized that they can give you cash back. So seeing that I use my credit card for a lot of big purchases related to my job (i.e. hotels) I actually accumulated enough credit card points to pay off 1,000 off my credit card. That was pretty sweet actually

5. Check your mall card points

So, I generally redeem these and then just give it over to my mom. But today my mom wasnt around so I decided to use it. Results? My 100 grocery bills? I just paid 12 for

=D

So anyways, thats my few tips on how to save up cash/ be smart about spending. Any more tips from u guys? Would be great to hear what else can be done

In my depressed state of mind, I decided to say fuck it to it all and walked over to the bookstore.

I found myself on the phone with The Boyfriend, crying and walking past 'books on cupcakes'. Stopped in an aisle to hide and looked up to see that I was in the bartending and alcohol section. Walked away and faced two books besides each other "foie gras" and "The bacon book"

I felt like the universe was trying to tell me something

Im tired of not being wanted.

My man doesnt want me
My company doesnt want me

Why do I keep fighting to try to make them see that I am worth fighting for?

If they dont want me, then they dont right? And it'll just be time to move on.

Ive battled them both for the past two years now. Pleading, working hard, hoping that they will eventually see that its worth it.

I guess, it really isnt worth it anymore.

God... grant me the strength that I need to move on

Savings. Blardy painful thing to look at.

Do you remember me? I was the girl who was so tight about money. Planned everything, budgeted everything. Tried to make money out of everything.

Do you remember me? Little girl who used to rent out books. Teenager who used to sell black market food. Young woman who held down three jobs to survive a fun time through college?

Or do you only see me as I am now. A woman who has made it. Has a nice fat paycheck. Not willing to try different things anymore. Not hungry to claw her way up to the top anymore.

I am budgeting, to get ready to start the new chapter of my life. And boy, is it painful. Especially after living the lap of luxury of not even caring what I spent on. Not even looking at the price tags of things that I bought.

Ah, but I guess this is what got me into this mess in the first place.

Starting anew. Always tough. How much do you put aside anyways? to start over?

A big fat savings and your heart apparently.

I realized this weekend
Ill be starting over, alone.

But what difference does it make right? Its not like I havent been here before. Its not like I havent seen this before.

Knowing that I will be doing it alone. Reminds me of the hunger within. The hunger to start over, to put all pains behind me. Put all hopes behind me. Put all dreams behind me.

Starting from the very bottom, the very raw-ness. Yet again

I remember the mantra I used to remember as a teenager

You have nothing. No love. No money. No hopes. Nothing... But you also have nothing else to lose

A nice party with old friends. Reminded me of life. Reminded me of how it was like before I took this job. Or maybe when I first started this job.

Breakfast with an old friend. He has found himself a woman. He is excited. He tells me about it and I relive how The Boyfriend and I started out. I smile, I laugh. I am happy remembering all these memories that we have. All the good times that we have recently. Cant wait to see him again

Then he tells me, "She went crazy when I told her I dont know if I love her. After all... its still quite new. Why is she going crazy? I dont understand"

And just like that, my friend reminded me of everything I had forgotten. Everything that remained unsolved. Every pain I had kept hidden.

Sometimes friends suck like that

Im trying not to let this affect me... things are going so well right now... but its like running a race and getting a good pace and having someone trip you... You try to pick up, but your pace is gone