Sometimes its not easy, to look out when its hazy. When youre clouded by every which emotion possible. Its not easy to find a direction, a point. Hell its not even easy to find the sun (as is evident by the Haze that has recently hit my country)

Here's a story, of a woman so caught up in her haze, she could not notice she was acting crazy. like CRAZY. could not see the signs of a man who was no longer interested in her. Who decided to crush every last inch of dignity left in her for the dream of a future that was ONLY in HER head.

This is the story about my friends ex.

So I had this housemate. Back in college. He and I were good friends, and we used to have a ball laughing at all these girls that he used to date/ sleep with. Yes, I know, we were mean, but what else was there to do when you hear of these stories.

So lets call him S. Now S was a complete lothario. He's a white guy with serious (and I do mean serious) Asian fetish. This man speaks so many Chinese languages/ dialects and currently lives in HK. While in college, he was an economics and stats major (do you know how many asians are in the bulk of his class?)

Anyways, due to his charming nature and ability to speak the language (to the level where he can compose poetry in Chinese), he dated/ slept with (I swear) almost every asian in school. And since I lived with him, I was the benefactor of all these stories where the girls would just throw themselves at him. All these asian girls who were thinking that he was 'The One' that just could not fathom the thought that it was just in their heads.

Seriously, S and I used to sit around the dinner table and laugh at his girls. So one time, he dated this girl who was a little older than him. And after a while, they broke up. Now this girl was a complete nut job. She used to come over to the house, and shout his name from the ground floor until our neighbors would come out. Until he had to invite her in because it was embarassing. Then of course she tried to get into his room, tried to sleep in his room, in his bed. All the while thinking, of course I can make him want me. He kicked her out, slammed and locked the bedroom door and she sat outside all night. Clawing the door, whispering his name.

Creepy I tell you? Nope not over yet.

She would call him and not say anything just so that she can hear his voice. She would stalk him on the college grounds and follow him. Crying in public. She held on to his shirt and even after he called her the worst chinese swear known to man (he said it was something along calling her cunt liquid or something I cant remember). She held on to his shirt and he struggled to get away. She ended up ripping his shirt.

Crazy? Nope not yet.

So he ended up going for an internship (we were back in the US then) somewhere in China or HK I cant remember. And she had actually FLOWN OVER to find him. Seeked out his hotel room. They called him and he told them to NOT RELEASE HIS ROOM NUMBER. Somehow or other, the next thing he knows, she is back in front of his hotel room door. Calling for him.

So what was it about this S that made girls act this crazy? (Like I said, he and I used to laugh about his girls, so can you imagine how many crazy stories like these are out there). What was it about him that made girls fly over the sea just to catch a glimpse of him, thinking all the while, well if Im here with him, he wont be able to resist me. If Im here with him and he talks to me, then he must still like me.

What was it that made these women think they were all in love with him. That they were all destined to have a future with him. Made them tell everyone who tried to advice them, that they didnt understand this feeling of love?

Nothing. It was nothing about him.

It was all in their heads. Or in all of our heads, when we justify all these small things. When we make excuses for his behavior. When a fleeting look is enough to make you feel that the both of you were meant to be forever. When every little act that he does gets blown out of proportion. When you dont realize, there is very little he is acting on.

I know it was mean to laugh at her. But honestly, someone who was throwing away that much dignity, that much self-respect. For a relationship that lasted what, all of 3 months? To deplete her resources, waste her time, her emotions. To decide to fly half way across the world for a man who doesnt even love you. Or like you. Or care about you. Or even wants to see you (because if he did, wouldnt he be calling you? trying to meet you?)

Lesson from this? We should always, always, learn to separate the haze. To find reality.

And hopefully preserve some self worth and dignity before its too late.