I almost missed my flight. Was enjoying the half an hour massage so much I didnt realize the man had perked me up and given me a 45 minute massage instead. I was the last one on the plane with the attendants considering kicking me off. I sat and almost cried when I thought I almost missed the flight.

I had been looking forward to this for so long. Meeting The Boyfriend in a land with indescribable melodious language. The sun and the heat and the sand. The quietness of nothing in the middle of nowhere.

We came back to the hotel in the middle of the night and slowly unwrapped each other. Tentative, getting to know one another once again. It has been too long since the last time. I am caught in between, not really knowing what to do and remembering his neck. His chest. His arms wrapped around me.

We went out the next day. Drove into the middle of the sand dunes. Stopped at a camel hunting ground, their smell musking the air. We climbed dunes, all the way to the top. The sand surrounding my feet hot, so hot I have to half run and half jump my way down the dunes. I hold on to him, hug him in this middle of nowhere. He patted my legs as we went dune bashing in our 4 by 4. Gritting my teeth and holding on to the bars so hard I forget to have motion sickness when the fear is so strong in my stomach.

We climb higher dunes and the sun starts to set cascading golden beams around us. Sand sand sand everywhere as we watch the wind blow shapes against shapes. Form ridges on untouched sand. Everything is renewed here and we leave no footprints behind.

We get to out campsite and he runs up the dunes with a board. Thrilling he surfs down the meters high dunes and ends up falling, rolling, laughing.

I capture his laugh, his moments. Inscribed the way I feel when he holds me close and we watch the shifting dunes. Memories in my heart.

We have a hearty meal of meat and more meat as we sit around and make friends with Germans, one of whom happily pulls his shirt up to join the belly dancer on stage. She is swaying in an outfit that leaves nothing to the imagination and The Boyfriend nuzzles me from behind shying his eyes away.

He keeps his hands around me as we smoke shisha late into the night. The campsite shutting down its lights and for time, we enjoy the starlight night in the middle of nowhere.

I am happy here, peaceful here. A feeling I had been searching for a while now. But I remember how it was, to be in his arms. I romanced the desert, the sun, the wind... the stars the moonlight sunlight. I romanced him.. and us. And gazing at him with the stars halo, I remember all the reasons why, I love him....

I am one of those lucky few working for a multinational company. I wake up in the morning, head over to work, and my friends and I would pore over the morning news. We talk about the stock market movements, the political climate. We rehash history. We talked about living through this current recession. What its like to be a part of history. Little did we know how much part of history.

Because we're an MNC, when other parts of the world suffer, we suffer too. We thought we were untouchable here, the company doing so well nobody every ends up doing nothing. We hired a large number of people to the point where I cant even remember names or faces. We thought invincible...

Recently we got some bad news. All those little perks, all those things I used to extol about about my company... slowly coming to an end. The end of the golden era. No more business class flights... for some people, no more 5 star hotels.. no more unlimited phone calls with roaming...all outings cancelled

boo... well, at least I still have my job... for now

When it comes to women, there are a few things that annoy me. Usually, I tend to ignore it, and remind myself that its none of my business after all, and I can just not associate myself with them.

But there is a type of woman that annoys me so much, I wanna slap them around silly.

The kind that just cant be independent. The jumper. The one who stays in relationships forever because they cant stand being alone. Who need the attention from someone, anyone, because they cant imagine waking up next to no one. Afraid of walking into a party alone.

These people stay forever with someone they have ceased to love, and when something else comes along, they jump. Freefall into the other persons hands. I dont care if they do it before they break up/ after they break up. But the simply turn around and dance in another pair of arms.

I hate these women who just cant live by themselves. Take time to know themselves, love themselves. To be an independent person before u become solid ground for someone else.

I despise these women. They make me wanna bitch slap them silly and let them know... that at some point theyre going to be alone and independent. So its better to take a breather between here and there, between one man and the next, to get to know yourself. Learn who u are. and learn to love the person u see in the mirror, instead of running to the next man and having them validate your existence.

We go through life wishing and hoping and dreaming. We set goals and inspirations. We draw futures to our stories. Our happy endings. We list things that we want to do, things we want to be known for. Happy, content, wise, a traveller....

Ive always dreamed of being a vagabond. Of being able to shed all materialistic needs and ideals, to just pick up and leave. The most romantic of all dreams. But I know my limitations, understand that underneath, no matter how much I try to pretend its possible, its not. I like a roof over my head, a comfortable bed, my own bathroom, my own things. My shoes, my handbags, my books. My shrine to all the lands and seas I have traveled across and to.

This year has been a real slow year for me. Ive barely traveled, or barely traveled as much as I would have liked. The Boyfriend and I made small trips around our country, stopped by in cute quaint towns and glass rooms in the middle of nothingness. I traveled a distance to see the beautiful details of Spain, breathe in the blood of the bullfights and feel the soul of Andalusia.

The Boyfriend though... managed to hike the mountains of Kashmir, lived in a boat in the backwaters of India, stayed in the most expensive hotel in Singapore, walked and sang the night away in Korea and is living breathing Abu Dhabi. He has made extensive plans for Yemen, and Jordan and Egypt and dreams of Saudi Arabia and Ethiopia.

I envy him. The Boyfriend who leaves me behind when he goes on all his travels. Who insists that he does not want to be like friends who have suddenly gone MIA when they have partners. He has made plans for 2009, and they mostly do not involve me, though I have made him promise at least a trip with me. Maybe to Egypt, Jordan, or the Maldives.

So I sulked, and moped, while waiting for him to call me. Wishing he was missing me, yet knowing I only wanted him to have a real good time without me. After all at the end of it all, he always comes home.

While I sulked, a few friends decided for an impromptu trip to god knows where. So they sat in my house and flew a few options before we decided that the simplest of all was to make a road trip to Singapore.

And we went! we drove, we talked, we mostly fought over trying to keep the ipod on the right radio frequency. We bunked/ crashed actually at our friends suite in the St. Regis, somehow the poshest road trip I could make on as little money as I could afford. We went to museums after they switched to free admission hours, lounged by the pool, walked by the beach, and drank while we listened to the jazz festival (actually, it was a bunch of kids singing jazz songs... Singapore tends to hype things up hmm...)I danced, and yelled, and called my friends in London just to tell them I was drunk of my mind. Drove with a friend and ate at the hawker stall early in the morning.

I created and adventure for me. Even though it was almost nothing, a slow trip of nothings. It was something. It was a change, it was moving. It was watching something different.

I promise myself, I need to make more of life now. Now that The Boyfriend is off on his own adventures, it motivates me to go off on my own too. Maybe drive to small towns in this country. Fly the weekends to cute areas in Asia. Take some time off and ride horses in the countryside of Mongolia.

I could sit around and mope and scream why me, why cant I get sent overseas, why cant I have enough money to go out with friends.

Or I could sit, plan out my expenses, be disciplined about everything, and plan not so impromptu weekends inside and outside.

No mopping, no sulking, no more feeling apologies...