"... then thats a problem.." you say to me. "... if you cant deal with it now, then how are you going to deal in the future"
An ultimatum -- deal with it now, or maybe just maybe we wont get through this.
The Boyfriend has been away for close to a month now. When he left, I thought it would be hard not seeing him anymore. He thought it would be good for us. Perhaps after all I was too clingy.
When I got upset tonight though it wasnt at not being able to spend time with him. It wasnt because I needed him to be by my side all the time.
I was upset because he made plans with me in the past. Plans to travel back home together, plans to meet up for brunch, or dinner. Small plans.
I have ceased trying to plan a whole day with him. A few hours... a reward in itself. So sometimes, we plan dates, to fit both our schedules.
I dont like having something to look forward to and then having it all dashed away. I dont like being told (even in jest) to not hope.
My life, my whole life, I have survived because I never dared to hope something good will happen. I strategize and prepare myself for the worst possible thing to happen. I plan for the worst news, I replay deaths and sickness and accidents to remember to detach and be independent. I dream of boyfriends cheating on me, to remember to not love so much... too much.
With him I built hopes, I built dreams. Layers upon layers of clouds filled with love and the future. I looked forward to him coming home after not seeing him in a long time.
When he tells me not to hope. Its like saying, dont trust me, I wont be able to do it. Its like saying, you cant count on me for the future.
I prefer to hope, and know that you tried your best to fulfill our plans, but that circumstances just wouldnt let us.
I dont like thinking that this is your out. That because I am not hoping, its ok to not come back. Its ok to not let me know you wont be able to make it.
You challenge me with an ultimatum? You want me to not hope for you, dream about us anymore? You want me back to the ice queen you fell through oh not too long ago?
You used to worry about me. Worried that I would get bored and run away. Then you knew whatever happened, you would be the one to leave me. That I loved you too much. Did you ever worry you might disappoint me so that I would leave?
Dont give me an ultimatum.
Youre talking to the wrong girl right now. You want no hopes for the future? fine.
An ultimatum -- deal with it now, or maybe just maybe we wont get through this.
The Boyfriend has been away for close to a month now. When he left, I thought it would be hard not seeing him anymore. He thought it would be good for us. Perhaps after all I was too clingy.
When I got upset tonight though it wasnt at not being able to spend time with him. It wasnt because I needed him to be by my side all the time.
I was upset because he made plans with me in the past. Plans to travel back home together, plans to meet up for brunch, or dinner. Small plans.
I have ceased trying to plan a whole day with him. A few hours... a reward in itself. So sometimes, we plan dates, to fit both our schedules.
I dont like having something to look forward to and then having it all dashed away. I dont like being told (even in jest) to not hope.
My life, my whole life, I have survived because I never dared to hope something good will happen. I strategize and prepare myself for the worst possible thing to happen. I plan for the worst news, I replay deaths and sickness and accidents to remember to detach and be independent. I dream of boyfriends cheating on me, to remember to not love so much... too much.
With him I built hopes, I built dreams. Layers upon layers of clouds filled with love and the future. I looked forward to him coming home after not seeing him in a long time.
When he tells me not to hope. Its like saying, dont trust me, I wont be able to do it. Its like saying, you cant count on me for the future.
I prefer to hope, and know that you tried your best to fulfill our plans, but that circumstances just wouldnt let us.
I dont like thinking that this is your out. That because I am not hoping, its ok to not come back. Its ok to not let me know you wont be able to make it.
You challenge me with an ultimatum? You want me to not hope for you, dream about us anymore? You want me back to the ice queen you fell through oh not too long ago?
You used to worry about me. Worried that I would get bored and run away. Then you knew whatever happened, you would be the one to leave me. That I loved you too much. Did you ever worry you might disappoint me so that I would leave?
Dont give me an ultimatum.
Youre talking to the wrong girl right now. You want no hopes for the future? fine.
