Sometimes you get so caught up, swept up in glories. Joys of love. That you forget life. You breathe love. Eat love. Sleep love. Its like an addiction that you aren't even aware you're feeding. An addiction you dont even know you need.

The Boyfriend left on Friday for a weeklong holiday with his parents. When he left, I felt... relieved in a way. I made plans for my weekend, I thought about all the classes I wanted to take while he was gone.

Its bad, realizing this addiction that you have.

I promised myself, after The Doctor, that I will keep my life when Im in a relationship. That I would do things, see places. Be myself.

I havent. Ive been so caught up in love. So scared of losing it, that Ive gripped it, held tight to it. So worried to let it breathe, so worried to let it out of my sight for even a second.

While he was gone, I went out, had coffee with my book, did my hair, walked around a little bit. Finished all my errands. Dreamt of travels again. Tried out foot reflexology and relaxed. Looked for shoes. Ate.

I wanted to take French classes, yoga classes.

I guess its the step of recognizing how much you're caught in it. Even if its something this good, to be caught in it, ensnared in it. Tangled in it.

Eventually I will resent him if this goes on. And I love him too much to let that happen.